Cry Me A River
by Catnatural
Summary: A brother scorned, a brother mourned, a brother torn. Adam doesn't want to be with Sam and Dean, but really, is there any other choice? Adam is back from hell and feels like the 'third wheel'.


**A/n: ****Sup! Taking a break from writing The Kids from Yesterday, and I'm snowed under with so much uni work *head desk* I hate third year = (**

**This popped into my head…when I was supposed to be studying History *sniggers* and I needed a break, so….*smirks***

**Adam went to Hell, but Cas got him out. Basically =)**

**Enjoy!**

**Summary: **** A brother scorned, a brother mourned, a brother torn. Adam doesn't want to be with Sam and Dean, but really, is there any other choice? Adam is back from hell and feels like the 'third wheel'.**

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own: Adam, Sam, Dean, Bobby, Cas, Bobby's house, the Impala...nothing except the dvds, a couple of books and this laptop****!**

_**Cry Me A River.**_

The blonde haired teenager burrowed his head further into his pillow, screwing up his eyes in a desperate attempt to prevent the bright light overhead from penetrating in his eyes. Nevertheless, his futile attempts went unnoticed as the dimmer switch seemed to conspire against him and emit even more light…as if that was possible, and his eldest brother let out a childish giggle.

"Up and at 'em, midget!" Dean hollered gleefully, chuckling as Adam grunted in reply. "Oi, up! It's nearly lunchtime!"

Adam shrugged, but the motion was unclear due to his slim body being tangled up in an old, frayed, blanket Bobby had managed to find after searching through the many cupboards and drawers in his home.

He flinched as Dean prodded him lightly on his side, forcing his mind to remain blank as images of blood and torture and the echoes of agonised screams tried to fill his head. He flipped himself over to glare darkly at Dean, who wisely stepped back.

"What?" He snarled, "I was sleeping!"

"Adam, you can talk to us, ok?" Dean said, out of the blue, refusing to look at his scowling younger brother.

"What?"

"About…what happened. Down there." Dean stuttered out, focusing his green eyes on Adam.

"I'm going to ignore the innuendo in that statement and ask again. What?"

"Hell." Dean blurted out, wincing as the glare deepened even more on Adam's face, his eyebrows drawing closer to his light green eyes.

"I don't – there's nothing to talk about! Leave me alone, I need to get dressed." Adam growled, jumping out of bed and storming over to the wardrobe where he proceeded to rake through the contents whilst waiting for Dean to leave. He didn't, and Adam spun around to frown at him. "What?"."

"I know what its like-"

"No! You don't, Dean! So don't pretend that you do! Ok? Just leave-"

"No, Adam. You're not alone! Both me and Sammy have been to hell-"

"Don't talk to me about him. You could have saved me, Dean. But no, you chose Sam over me. I know he's always been your brother, but did you even try to get me out?"

"Adam-"

"No, don't make excuses, Dean. Michael told me everything, when Sam had gone. How Death gave you the choice between me or Sam, and clearly you chose Sam. I know I'm not family, so I'm going to leave-"

"Adam, listen-"

"No! You listen! I'm going…I'm going back to Windom! I know my mom's…not there anymore, but at least I have friends there! Here…here I have nothing." And Adam stormed off out of the small bedroom, slamming the door behind him, leaving Dean to stare at it in bewilderment.

_**XXXX**_

Bobby threw down the book on Demon-lore…or whatever it was – the book was so ancient that Bobby was too frightened to sneeze in case he created a dust storm of creepy demon fairy-tales. He sniggered at his own morbid thoughts before a door slamming upstairs brought him out of his thought with a literal bang, and he glanced up warily at the ceiling. Sam came charging in the room seconds later, his long hair flapping around his frowning face as he demanded, "You ok, Bobby? Thought I heard a noise?"

"Yeah, that'd be yer idgit brother…"

"Which one?"

"Well, I'm gonna say Adam, cos he's a teenager and they're known fer slamming doors. You were bad fer that, Sam." He smirked as Sam chuckled."Never thought Adam was the type though. He seemed quite a nice kid, quiet though."

"Yeah, Hell changes a person though, Bobby." Sam sighed knowingly.

Bobby nodded sadly, "Yeah, you and Dean came out ok…well, eventually. I know you had to no soul, but….we fixed that in the end, didn't we?"

Sam smiled gratefully, "Yeah, and I don't think I ever thanked you-"

"Nonsense boy. You're family. I told yeh, blood don't matter to me, boy. And other things came up. You were only back a short while, and then Adam…" he sighed. "Maybe we should talk to Castiel? He got him out after all."

Sam glanced at Bobby, hesitating for only a second before raising his head towards the heavens, calling out for his angel friend, begging him to come and help. There was no reply, and Sam cursed loudly, an uncharacteristic reaction for him showed Bobby how desperate the middle Winchester boy was, how much he loved his brothers, and then suddenly, there was a flapping of wings and Castiel was staring blankly up at Sam.

"Sam. How may I-"

"We need you to fix Adam." Sam stated bluntly, interrupting Castiel's speech.

"Sam, I have already explained this to you." Cas murmured softly, a pained expression stamped across his face. " I gripped him tight, raised him from hell, and that was a difficult enough task as it was. I can do nothing to assist you in regards to his mental state, not with my powers. I may talk to him, if that it was what you desire?"

Sam shook his head, "Thanks, Cas, but I don't know if talking will help. We've all tried. He's just not the Adam we know."

"But how well do you really know him? The first time you met him, he was not Adam. He was a ghoul inside Adam's body. And when he came back, he was angry. Angry at you and Dean, the whole world. You cannot fix him, when you do not know him. I suggest you just…be there for him, if that is the correct term? The boy will need his family."

Sam sighed before nodding again, "Thanks Cas."

"It is no problem." He was about to say something more when he tilted his head upwards, and a curious look flashed across his face, "I have to go now, but call me and I will come." With a nod at Bobby, Cas disappeared, leaving the two men to sigh deeply.

_**XXX**_

Dean glided down the stairs, resisting the temptation to bound his way down like a hyper child, or perhaps an energetic puppy. It would just irritate Adam at the moment, and they were already walking on eggshells around the kid as it was. Best to wait it out.

He peeked his head round the corner of the kitchen; saw Bobby and Sam deep in conversation, strode over and threw himself down on the closest chair, groaning with fatigue and exasperation.

"You ok, Dean?" Sam asked curiously.

"I don't know what to do, Sammy." He jerked his finger upwards to the rough direction of Adam's room. "I can't hug him like I did when you were in a mood; he hates being touched."

"Why?" Bobby murmured, flicking through another dusty book, not looking up as he casually took notes.

"S'pose it reminds him of hell, maybe? I got a lot of flashbacks. I dread to think what they did to a kid like –"

"I'm not a kid." Adam growled as he suddenly entered the room and grabbed a glass of the counter. He examined it, peering this way and that, before slowly nodding as if deeming it appropriate for use, then filled it up with water and turned to leave.

"Hey, wait." Dean's arm jumped out to clutch at Adam's sleeve, and he immediately let go as Adam's body gave out a violent jerk and his eyes widened., his grip tightening on the glass, "Sorry! I wasn't going to-"

Adam backed away slowly, his eyes still wide and he muttered, "It's…ok…I'm just gonna…" he trailed off and gulped.

"Adam?"

"I…" he lowered his eyes, and the glass started shaking as his slight body started shuddering.  
>"Adam?" Dean tried again.<p>

"M'sorry, ok? I…" A tear escaped and rolled down his pale face, quickly followed by a rapid succession of fat tears that suddenly transformed his face, regressing him back to his childhood.

"Hey, it's ok, buddy." Dean slowly stood up and made his way over to the boy, who threw his hands up.

"D-don't. I can't. It's too much like there."

"Down there?" Sam pointed down at the floor, Adam following his movement with glistening eyes. He slowly nodded and blurted out, with a thick voice,

"It was horrible down there. It was just me and…him, in that room. He reminded me of every bad thing I'd ever done, seen…and he hurt me. He hurt me so much, when I was bad, and sometimes…he liked me screaming. He liked my blood." He went silent, his hands gripped tightly into fists, shaking against his sides and his chin was touching his chest, his eyes screwed up as the tears continued to fall. He gasped, his body shuddered a little before he continued in a barely audible voice, "And when I got out, I didn't know where to go. He'd taunted me about my mom…said that she'd…he told me what happened. I didn't believe him. He said so much, that Dad was gone and that I had brothers and I didn't believe him, cos I didn't think I'd ever see any of you. And then I got out, and I pulled up by…that angel and I was here, and I didn't know you and you all knew me …sort of. And I'm not good at this stuff and I cry all the time, I'm scared of the dark. I don't like beers or driving or the TV you like." He shrugged. "I don't like the Impala much." Dean cast a scandalised look at Sam who smirked playfully at him. "I never go out, I like reading."

"What are you doin', Kid? Trying to get us to return you or somethin'? I told ya, you're stuck here. You're part Winchesters and they've been part of the Singer family for longer than I care to mention."

Adam's jaw dropped. "But you don't know anything about me!" he protected hysterically. "I could be anyone of those monsters you hunt! I already was!"

"Don't you think we checked?" Dean smirked, "You were zonked out for days, Adam….and…uh…you remember that? Being a ghoul?"

"Kinda. I remember being in the coffin, and they were there. I remembered when I was…in Hell. Lucifer gave me the memories."

"He what?" Dean exploded.

"He did something that gave me all the memories of when you met me...the other me...the ghoul me..." he sighed before looking extremely confused, "And then when I came back the first time. I remember them all."

"So, you just kind of...merged with your other selves then?" Dean asked curiously.

"I...I guess?" Adam shrugged.

The group of men were quiet for a few moments before Bobby turned to Adam, "Well, kid. Talk. You say we don't know you, and you don't know us, so talk."

"Uh...and say what?" he mumbled, joining Dean at the table, and lowering himself onto a nearby chair.

"Well, tell us about yourself!" Sam suggested with a grin.

"Uh...well, my middle name is John...after, well, Dad." He shrugged, gazing up at them, "I had a dog called Milly when I was little, but she died. I like the color blue..." he trailed off before bursting out angrily, "I'm sorry! I just don't know what I'm supposed to be saying here!"

"Calm down, boy, it's fine! What are your hobbies? You said you liked readin'?" Bobby said quietly.

"Yeah, I love reading. I like the Harry Potter books, the Lord of the Rings...that kinda stuff, you know?" he stopped as Sam nodded enthusiastically, "Um...I draw sometimes and I like walking."

"Play any instruments?"

Adam turned his head to look at Dean before shaking his head, "Tried to learn the guitar when I was little, guess most kids do. Wasn't too good at it." He shrugged. "You?"

"Na. Got a wicked air guitar though!" he grinned before miming as Sam shook his head in exasperation. His grin widened when the corners of Adam's mouth turned up slightly. "What kinda movies do you like?"

"Um...not...horror," he shivered, "Um...stuff that makes you think, I guess?"

"Psychological thrillers?" Sam suggested as Adam slowly nodded, "Great!"

"You better like Bond, and Indiana Jones...or we're gonna have to have serious talk, kiddo." Dean mocked.

Adam didn't get the teasing instantly. His eyes widened and he stared at Dean before a small smirk fell on his handsome face and he replied, "I guess."

"You guess?" Dean faked swooning before he spun to face his laughing middle brother, "Oh, Sammy. Stop everything, we have to introduce the midget to the wonderful world of media-"

"It's fine, I'm not a big fan of-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, kid." Dean glared playfully, bringing a small smile out of Adam. "Tonight, you're sitting in front of the TV and you're watching Star Wars. Capiche?"

"I like space." Adam admitted as Dean banged his head repeatedly off the table in frustration and Sam and Bobby roared with laughter.

_**XXXX**_

"So, Adam?" Dean asked as he nursed a warm cup of cocoa on the sofa after they'd watching the first Star Wars movie, "What did ya think?"

The three Winchester boys were squeezed onto the comfy sofa, Adam placed between the two hulking forms of his brothers whilst Bobby was lazily reclining back on hi armchair gazing at them. Adam glanced up at Dean and subconsciously wrung his hands together and mumbled, "It was..."

"You don't need to lie, Adam." Sam suddenly interjected, "It's fine. Dean has a very...unusual taste in movies."

Adam frowned before quietly admitting, "It was...ok, I guess. Can...can I pick another movie?" He asked tentatively.

"Sure." Bobby grinned as Adam pulled himself off the sofa and shuffled over to the DVD rack in the corner. The skinny kid browsed through the many genres and titles before finally selecting one and giving it to Dean and then lowering himself on the sofa and staring at his feet.

Dean glanced down at the DVD before letting a fond smile fall on his face and he strode over to the TV and the foursome sat down to enjoy _The Sixth Sense._

_**XXXX**_

A short while later, the credits were rolling, Bobby was snoring, and Sammy was yawning. Dean rubbed his calloused hands over his eyes, determined to rub the sleepiness out, and quickly glanced at his youngest brother who had fallen asleep his chin rested on his chest and his arms crossed. His bangs were fluttering every time he breathed out, and Dean smiled as he realised that this was possibly the first time Adam had slept without nightmares in the short while he'd been with them. He sighed as he came to the conclusion that he'd have to move the slumbering youth or he'd wake up with an awful crick in his neck. He stood up, cringing as his bones cracked, and he slipped one muscled arm under Adam's skinny legs, the other close to his neck as he slowly lifted him up, frowning at how light he was. Sam glanced up at him after a jaw-cracking yawn, mimed that he was going to bed and left the room, followed moments later by Dean and Adam.

Dean lowered his youngest brother onto the single bed, and tucked him in. He stroked some of Adam's fringe out of his face before squeezing him on the shoulder and leaving the room. His mind filled with thoughts as he shuffled along to his own bed, that Adam really was quite different from either him or Sam. They were all different – Dean was loud and cocky, Sam was quiet unless the situation arose and he wouldn't shut-up, and Adam...well, Adam appeared to be quiet but very sarcastic and funny. He couldn't wait to get to know the kid. The session in the kitchen earlier unravelled some of the mystery surrounding the blonde teenager, yet there was still so much to know about him. What was he scared of? Did he have friends? A girlfriend? What did he want to do later in life? He briefly remembered something about med school...did he want to continue that, or did he want to stay with Sam and Dean? They'd support him no matter what, either way.

He smirked as plans for the following day unravelled in his head, and he burrowed into his duvet, his grin widening as his eyes slowly fluttered shut.

_**XXXX**_

Dean woke up a few hours later feeling refreshed but groggy, so after a quick shower, he headed downstairs to see Sam and Bobby deep in conversation and Adam huddled on a nearby armchair, his face obscured by a massive textbook. He wasn't talking, but Dean was used to a silent Adam, he take that compared to a grumpy, _**loud**_ teenage Sammy any day. His eyes glanced around the room, searching for food, until they eventually landed on a stack of steaming pancakes, drenched in syrup and his taste buds screamed with glee. He strode towards them with one thought in his mind – _foooooood!_ - and dug in, much to the amusement of Bobby, the disgust of Sam and the indifference from Adam.

"Do you want to get a room with the pancakes, Dean? We'll leave you alone if you want, won't we, Adam?" Sam sighed, rolling his eyes.

Adam's head sprang up from the book and he had a confused expression on his pale face, "Huh?" he said eloquently.

"You ok, kiddo? You're very quiet?" Dean asked instead.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He motioned to his book, "I was reading. I forget when I'm reading, and just ignore everyone. I'd forget to eat if I wasn't reminded."

"Nothing like losing yourself in a book, is there?" Sam nodded in agreement, "I haven't read in a long time, since Stanford actually...talking of which, you planning on going back to college?"

Adam looked surprised at the random question before schooling his features into a slight frown, "Well...I thought about it...a bit, I guess." He shrugged, before lowering his book and marking his page.

"And?" Dean prompted curiously as Bobby looked up from his newspaper.

"Well...I...I've missed a lot...an awful lot, actually. And...well, I was wondering..." he trailed off and looked up at them with a hopeful expression, "If...well, if I could...come with you...?" he flinched and looked down at his hands before rambling, "I mean, if it's too much, I can go back, I just..."

"Adam..." Dean interrupted softly, "Why don't you want to go back?"

Adam shrugged dejectedly, "I went cos of mom, really. I liked medicine too, but if I'm with you, I'm still saving people...right?"

"Most of the time, but you gotta understand, people die, Adam-"

"Yeah, but people die all the time in hospitals, Dean!" He protested loudly, before going bright red and slamming his jaw shut. He blinked before eventually muttering, "M'sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok, Adam. We want you to stand up to us, we're not always right." Sam said cautiously. "You are allowed to say what you think."

"Oh..." Adam breathed out deeply, but the red tinge remained on his cheeks, "Well, if you...want me, can I stay? I want to help, and I've got no-one else."

"No friends or other family? A girlfriend?" Dean suggested, throwing his hands up when a deep scowl appeared on his younger brother, "Whoah! I don't wanna get rid of you, kid, I just wanna let you know what you're getting yourself in for, ok?"

Adam nodded slowly, but he still looked suspicious, "I don't have any other family apart from you two. And I don't have friends _**or **_a girlfriend, ok? I told you I like reading."

"And that automatically means you can't have a social life? Sam had a girlfriend," Bobby butted in. "And friends."

"Yeah, but she got killed! I want to help!" Adam jumped up, glaring at the men before going rapidly pale as Sam stood up, towering over his trembling body. "Sam, m'sor-"

"Leave it, Adam." Sam muttered, before slowly exiting the room.

Adam stood shaking, his fists subconsciously continuously clenching as he warily glanced at Dean. His breathing was harsh and he was on the verge of tears as he mumbled, "I'm sor-"

"Adam, don't apologise when you don't mean it. Don't lie." Dean said, not looking at Adam. "He's still sore over...I'm gonna see if he's ok."

Adam's eyes followed Dean out the room before he visibly slumped and Bobby cast a worried glance at him, "You ok, kiddo?"

"I can't do this, Uncle Bobby. I keep saying the wrong thing and-"

"Hey," Bobby admonished softly, his heart warming up at the boy's name for him, "All I'm going to say about Jessica – that's Sam's Girlfriend," he explained as Adam nodded, "She died, and Sam wasn't there. He still believes its his fault – he dreamt of it before, put it down to nightmares, and now he hates himself for it. We don't bring it up, and it's going to stay that way, ok?"

Adam gulped at nodded at Bobby's hidden, but deliberate threat. The older man wasn't all that terrifying, he wasn't as terrifying as Dean anyway, but the look he was giving him made Adam want to scream out his apology and beg forgiveness. He settled for uttering out softly, "I'm going to apologise now...or should I wait?"

"Up to you, kiddo, just be careful."

Adam left the room, passing Dean on the way out. His eldest brother smiled sadly at him before ruffling his hair and joining Bobby in the living room.

_**XXXX**_

Sam lifted his head as a tentative knock sounded out from the other side and a quiet voice whispered out, "Sam? I'm really, really sorry. I didn't know...I'm so sorry...I...god, I don't-"

"Come in, Adam." Sam sighed in resignation.

Adam lowered his hand to twist open the door knob, peeking his dark golden head round the corner of the door, "Sam?"

"It's ok, Adam. Come in," Sam said, patting the corner of the bed beside him.

Adam looked warily at the bed before slowly entering the bedroom and shutting the door behind him and sitting beside his lanky brother. He took a deep breath and blurted out, "I'm really, really, sorry, Sam. I really didn't mean to-"

"Adam, listen for a second, ok?" Adam nodded, and Sam continued, "Look, I'm not angry at you, ok? Just...sometimes, certain things remind me of Jess, you know? And it hurts so bad. It's been a couple of years, but not a day goes by when I'm not thinking of her."

Adam's shoulders slumped as sat there, "I'm sorry. I know what you mean."

"Your mom?" Sam questioned.

"Yeah. Her favorite song was on the radio the other day. Her favorite flower is growing in the yard. It hurts, Sammy. Does it get better?"

Sam squeezed his shoulder, and pulled him closer so that Adam's head was resting on his shoulder and they both let out a deep sigh. "Not really. The hurt lessens a bit everyday, but it's always going to be there...I don't really know what to say to help, Adam. Your mom was there your whole life, and I hardly knew mine. Jess...she was the love of my life, you know? I was gonna propose."

"Oh, Sam." Tears fell from Adam's eyes as he looked up at his brother, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, god, you've set me off now," Sam sniffled, chuckling wetly as he wiped his eyes.

"M'sorry, I didn't-"

"Will you quit apologising? It's fine." Sam squeezed his brother's shoulder tightly, "You gonna be ok?"

"I came up here to apologise, and you're hugging me!" Adam sighed, tears rolling down his face.

"Big brother's prerogative. Suck it up, kiddo." He grinned, then groaned. "God, I'm sounding more and more like Dean every day, shoot me now."

"You girls ok up there?" A voice hollered up from downstairs.

"We're fine, Dean!" Sam laughed back.

"Sam hasn't killed you, has he midget?"

"I'm not a midget!" Adam shouted back as Sam burst out laughing, "I'm just six foot!"

"Yeah, you munchkin! I'm gonna get you a stepladder for Christmas!"

"Dean! Just cause you two are gigantors!"

"Think yer talking about Sasquatch there. I'm the perfect height-"

"WILL YOU IDGITS BUTTON IT! I'M TRYIN' TO WATCH THE GAME!" Bobby's voice broke through and as a result, the three of them, in the two different rooms fell to the floor, clutching their sides and laughing hysterically.

_**XXXX**_

**A/N: **** I will be going back to writing The Kids from Yesterday for anyone reading that!**

**=)**

**X.**


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